A new study examines the role of resiliency among widowers and seeks to examine the relevance of a model of bereavement developed through the study of widows. The research implies many things, such as successful bereavement for many involves actively pursuing interesting experiences, social support, and friendship.
Resilience is often discussed as a protective factor in the face of adverse events. Research on bereavement has shown that many widows are surprisingly resilient after the death of a spouse. Some researchers have found that the resilient response occurs roughly 45% of the time after the death of a spouse, far more common than one would expect.
Sixty respondents were recruited for in-depth interviews from two ongoing studies of older widowed men. The average age of the men was 79, ranging from 55 to 98. The widowhood period of ranged from one-fourth to 25 years. Thirty-eight percent of the sample showed reliance in the face of widowhood. From these respondents, four different types of resilience emerged. Some men were resilient consistently throughout the time of their widowhood; others gradually achieved it over time; others only gained resilience because of some turning point in their bereavement. A small group of men combined a gradual development of resilience with a turning point during their bereavement process.
For those experiencing resilience from the start, there was very little explanation they could give for why it happened. They were just able to maintain their normal life with little emotional or physical disruption. Among those gradually achieving resilience, most experienced a modest number of depressive symptoms, reporting feeling as if they were on an emotional low for a time starting right after the death of their spouse but improved through time. This gradual increase happened in two ways: 1) some men conscientiously made efforts to cope with their loss; 2) others just returned to their normal emotional states without much effort. For those who were conscientious in their bereavement, they often accessed forms of social and emotional support available to them via friends and family.
For those experiencing a turning point, many felt as if they were never going to get over the loss of their spouse prior to the unexpected turn of events that led to their resilience. For some it was a dramatic and unexpected hospitalization; for others the turning points were more mundane, such as joining a social club, going to concerts, or starting to engage in social activities. One man used his love for classical music to help him cope with the death of his wife and attended concerts.
Not everyone has the personal characteristics that led to an automatically resilient response to the loss of a spouse; in fact, very few actually do. This does not, however, doom widows or widowers to live their remaining days living in grief. All too often, the sources of resiliency remain untapped (e.g., social support, personal interests, community activities, etc.) and it becomes too easy to allow grief to dictate life.
Source: Bennett, K. 2010. How to achieve resilience as an older widower: turning points or gradual change? Ageing and Society 30: 369-382.