My Meter Is Always Running

Have you checked your electric meter lately? I thought not…too many other things for a caregiver to do. Mine is hidden in an obscure spot at the back of the house—out-of-sight and out-of-mind. I turn on the computer, television, or toaster, and never give it a thought. With the flip of a switch or press of a button, I’m in business.  Electrical energy is always there when you need it…too bad human energy isn’t like electricity.

My friend, Marline, who knows how caregiving has been hard on me, recently said, “Your meter is always running.”  Her message was simply: my concern about my mother is constantly sapping my energy. Like turning on the radio, I sometimes consciously flip the worry switch “on” and wonder where mom’s dementia will take me. Sometimes I see how this distress depletes me.

But there’s a second, unconscious anxiety that weighs on my heart; out-of-sight and out-of-mind, like that hidden electric meter. Concern about my mom is now a constant backdrop in my life. Waking up at 3:30 a.m., disturbed by a forgotten dream, I move to the guest room, hoping to reclaim a few more hours of rest before the alarm…the meter is running. Calling my neighbor at 4:30 p.m., Tuesday afternoon, I sob about the hospice nurse’s dire report on Mom…the meter is running. 

Marline’s comment figuratively walked me around to the back of the proverbial “house” to see my ever-running energy meter. She helped me recognize that both unconscious anxiety and conscious worry are consuming my life-force, minute-by-minute, just as surely as if I had plugged in an old refrigerator in the basement, flipped the switch, walked upstairs and shut the door. I may not be standing there looking at it, but that energy-guzzling old fridge is running, and I’m being charged for every kilowatt hour! 

Though out-of-sight, the energy drain is no longer out-of-mind. Now I see I’m paying for my unconscious—as well as my conscious—concerns. The bill for both always comes due, so I must budget my energies to have enough to care for my mom until the end. I will:

• Acknowledge the steady drain of constant concern
• Look and listen for signs that my energy is depleted: insomnia, appetite changes, irritability, and depression, to name a few
• Ask close family and friends to help me recognize these signs
• Practice all the self-care techniques that work well for me: walking, getting a massage, napping, praying, meditating, talking with friends, writing, cooking, limiting work and volunteer commitments, asking for help

I know what to do to conserve and replenish my energy.  Now I just need to do it, because the meter will continue to run as long as my mom continues to live. 

How about you?  Like me, are you an adult child caring for your parents? Is your meter always running?  Consider some of these questions to help you recognize and respond to your conscious and unconscious worry:

1. What are some concerns that invisibly (yet incessantly) consume your energy?
2. What signs indicate that your meter is running?
3. What price do you pay for letting worry silently siphoned-off your energy?
4. What are some steps you could take to diminish or let-go of your conscious worries?
5. What are some steps you could take to conserve or replenish your energy?

Take good care of yourself,
Jane

Jane Meier Hamilton MSN, RN, a nurse for 35 years and family caregiver for 20 years, founded Partners on the Path to help professional and family caregivers preserve their health, well being, and capacity to care. Her book, The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care: Help for your Caregiving Journey (Infinity, 2011) offers sensible, effective ways to cope with caregiver stress.

Tagged as: Caregiving, Health & Wellness